


How to Lose Friends

by Runebug



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: ADHD!Tim, Jon is an ass, M/M, Pining, and he's dealing with stuff, he just doesn't know how to social, i promise he is not trying to be a dick to tim, pre S1, research era, so is jon but he's going through some things rn, tim is pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27030187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runebug/pseuds/Runebug
Summary: Tim doesn't see Jon for a few days, and he's a bit sad about it. In trying to reach out and be vulnerable with Jon, Tim gets laughed at.
Relationships: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	How to Lose Friends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wartimelovers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartimelovers/gifts).



> Just a gift for WartimeLovers, who feeds the JonTim nation so well. I promise there's a second chapter where things get better and there is comfort for the hurt. Jon isn't trying to be an asshole, but he's got no clue what he's doing and there's a reason he's... dodgy.
> 
> Tim's experiences with ADHD are mirrored off of a lot of mine (no one is surprised) and I understand that it isn't everyone's experience. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

Tim was worried. He hadn’t seen Jon all week, and normally this was nothing to fret over. He’d also been told at least a few hundred times not to fuss over Jon, period, because he was an adult who didn’t need mothering. Jon's point was up for contention sometimes, but especially after the last bout of his absences from work. He’d been sick, and as it turned out, had not been taking care of himself. No one was truly surprised by this, except maybe that he had been convinced to stay home at all.

So this time, Tim wonders if he should check on Jon. He is long past trying to ignore the little pangs of sweet pining he gets when he sees his friend... Or when he receives a message from Jon... Or even when he thinks of him. Yes, Tim is aware of just how smitten he is with his fellow researcher and it’s terrible. Well, not really terrible; he does get to spend a lot of time with Jon, and Tim can easily make excuses to need Jon’s help with things in research despite being plenty capable and not actually needing an ounce of it.

Tim is lonely, really, on the days Jon is out. Sometimes Jon would just get sucked into his research at home, and being so far into matters, it was sometimes just easier to stay put and work remotely than to gather all his notes and transport himself, the laptop, and the clutter all the way to the office. Tim understood this, and logically he was fine with this outcome. 

Emotionally, though, Tim wanted company. He always worked better with it, and it’s why he found such fast friends in research. He is, and always has been the kind of man who can talk your ear off, but Tim is also a very efficient and intelligent man who knows his strengths. He’s a great coworker to bounce ideas off of, and while he does love to flirt, much of the reason he spends so much time in other people’s offices is to help him concentrate. It isn’t out of place to find him with Jon or Sasha, intently focused on his work, only pulling out of it long enough to ask a question and half-listen to the answer. 

Someone who doesn’t know Tim well will be confused by this, especially compared to his boisterous attitude most of the time. Tim can explain easily enough that it’s the ADHD, and being absolutely chatty before and after he gets into his work is absolutely normal for him. Once his meds kick in for the day, he’s usually very focused, though, and this is much nicer than when he couldn’t read half the pages allotted to him by professors. 

Jon has always found the slow change in Tim over the course of the day funny. He doesn’t say so, but he tries to hide a smile when Tim finally breaks out of his concentration and starts up conversation once more. That’s enough for Tim. 

“Hey.” Sasha’s voice breaks his long inner monologue, and Tim realizes he’s been staring at his laptop screen for the last few moments. 

“Hey indeed.” He responds with a smile. 

“Where were you off to?” She asks, poking his arm gently. “You weren’t reading, that’s for sure. Your eyes kind of glazed over.” Sasha is hiding her concern with a smile, he knows, and it makes him a little sad that getting lost in his pining has concerned her. 

“Ah, just thinking.” Which was his usual excuse for spacing out. It was one that was never a lie, but remained vague enough that he could usually wiggle out of explaining himself too much. He stands when he decides to text Jon. “I’m going to go outside. Fresh air and all.” 

“Right, okay. Lemme know if you need anything?” 

“Will do.” Tim throws up a finger gun as he walks off, knowing exactly how strange he must seem in the moment.

He gets outside, and finds himself walking straight for Jon’s spot. Well, it’s not really  _ Jon’s _ spot, but it’s where Jon usually goes to smoke on his breaks, and it’s where Tim keeps him company when he’s encouraged to tag along. It was a quiet spot in the alley between their building and the next one over. During winter, it kept some of the cold off of them, and whatever warmth couldn’t be accounted for in the environment would be made up in conversations, and standing far too close to each other, and maybe even once holding hands. 

Tim feels a small tug in his chest when he sees the spot empty. He moves towards it now with a more decided step, no longer wandering vaguely towards whatever essence of Jon he could.  _ Eugh, come on. _ He thinks, frowning at the romanticism his brain has conjured up of ash-covered cement in a quiet alley.  _ It’s not that serious. _ He tries to convince himself, but he stands in Jon’s spot anyway.

[Hey] He sends the text and lets his foot kick the dirt on the cement.

A few moments pass, and he finds himself scrolling endlessly on an app. He’s not reading anything, and he only pauses a few times to inspect colorful images that wander by his eyes. Otherwise, he’s occupied with the waiting.

[Hello. What’s wrong?] 

Tim wishes he didn’t feel so excited by the three-word text.

[Nothing, just wondering where youve been off to these past few days. Adventuring without us?] He tries to keep it playful. Playful meant there was plausible deniability if he stepped too far in one direction. It meant there could be a chance to fix things if he messed up.

[No, nothing quite so interesting, unfortunately.]

Jon did this a lot, Tim thinks. He would leave a conversation at its end so people would leave him be. He never truly seemed to mind if Tim pushed past that, though, so he does it once more. 

[What have you been doing, then?]

[Research. I meant to email you about the Thurston files last night, but it slipped my mind. I’ll have that to you before you go, I’m sure.]

Tim shakes his head. He’d worried for nothing.

[Right, sounds great. You keeping okay?]

[Of course.]

[Okay. Dinner tonight?]

[I have plans, I believe.]

Tim feels a pang of rejection, but it’s small enough he can almost ignore it. He knows logically that this isn’t something personal.

[Right then. Be safe.]

[I appreciate the sentiment, Tim.]

Tim can’t think of anything more to send. He could wish him well, but he’s sort of already done that, hasn’t he? And to try and force more words in would just make him look nosy, which he is, but he doesn’t want Jon to think so. Tim kicks the dirt again, this time a little harder but with relatively little force, and sticks his phone in his pocket.

Tim returns to his workspace and gets back into his research for another two hours. It’s not until he’s saying goodbye to Sasha for the day that he realizes his phone has gone off at all. It’s a text from Jon, and Tim grins. Sasha gives him one of her signature looks, and shakes her head, smiling. He waves her off and heads out, trying to read the message without bumping into anyone on the way. 

[On second thought, I think I could use the company.]

It was rare that Jon ever asked for anything from his friends. There were days Tim and Sasha wondered aloud if he even regarded them enough to call them friends. Jon was always so cut off from people, and while he knew there were plenty of good reasons that could be, Tim always felt it was just that he wasn’t trying hard enough. 

To see Jon asking for help, for  _ Tim’s help _ made him smile in earnest. 

[Of course. When and where? I just left work.]

Another few minutes had gone by before Tim got another response. 

[It’s really not important. I think I got it handled.]

[What?]

[It’s not important. I don’t need the company.]

Tim isn’t sure how to respond. Clearly something is going on, and while it scares him to cross the boundary between them, he wants to try. He really, deeply cares for Jon, and he’s not sure how to show that if Jon is just going to keep cutting him off.

So, instead of trying to express what would only be misconstrued or poorly written out in a text, Tim calls him when he gets back to his flat. 

“Hello?” Jon says, and while something about his voice sounds off, Tim can’t pinpoint what exactly it is.

“Jon-” Tim says, all confidence draining from him at the sound of Jon’s voice. “Jon, I just… you should know that you’re allowed to want company, is all.” He realizes this is  _ not _ what he meant to say at all, but he rolls with it. “You keep doing this thing. You’re… trying, I think, but then you stop? And I want you to know that I  _ want  _ to be your friend.”

Jon is quiet on the other line for a moment. He clears his throat. “Yes. Well, it was really just a misunderstanding, I think.”

“Is it? Because… I’m not sure. I think you would rather keep me at arm's length.”

Jon scoffs. “Tim, now is really not… it’s not the time. I’m sorry I concerned you with my absence, and I’m sorry if I have bothered you. I have to go.”

Jon doesn’t wait for Tim to respond before he hangs up, and Tim is left feeling like he’s been punched in the gut. He called to tell Jon that he cared about him, and Jon… hung up on him. He laughed. Tim told him he felt like he was being pushed away, and Jon scoffed at him.

There’s a feeling of betrayal in his chest, and of what he can only describe as misplaced affection. He still wants to keep Jon company, but he knows now he’s likely not wanted at all. He knows Jon is trying to stay behind a wall; he just isn’t sure what to do about it.

Tim is angry on his own behalf, knowing he deserves better than to be scoffed at, but he’s also just very sad. It’s been a long day already, and he wishes he knew how to make the feeling of rejection that clouds his heart dissipate already. Maybe tomorrow he will feel better.


End file.
